38 Comments

So happy you're back, this is the original substack that introduced me to this platform. I'm deeply inspired by your choice to become a mum with your best friend, and I'm not single or a mother, I just love your honest writing and trailblazing against the status quo. I'd love to hear more about the trust/conversatiknd it took to make that decision, if that's not too personal. I'd love to hear more about friendships as an adult un general. But mostly delighted you're back 👏✨️

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Thanks so much Carys. Love this comment and the ideas too. Thanks again xxx

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Being single is different for every person. Thank you for sharing how you’re traveling your path. 💜

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Dear Nicola,

Many congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I am so happy to see the newsletter in my inbox again. It reaches me at a particularly fitting time, as I am sitting here next to my 8 week old daughter who I conceived thanks to a good friend. I am a single parent, but he plays a role in my daughter’s life, which to me is more support than I could have wished for when I first planned to become a mother. Despite physical recovery being pretty intense, this has been the best and happiest time of my life, bar none. I came across you at one of the worst times of my life, doing a desperate last ditch attempt at dating during the pandemic and disliking everything from the process to the people I found on the apps. So I found a brilliant therapist, decided to invest in my single self, and discovered this newsletter, which has both recommended some pretty life affirming books to me, and kept me sane as I took the steps needed to get where I am right now. So I am delighted to meet you on the other end, and even more delighted to finally see someone else who is going the truly unconventional route! So I can’t thank you enough, for what this newsletter has meant to me over the years and for sharing about this new chapter of your life. In the past few weeks I have often wondered if I have given up the possibility of romantic love entirely, both because of how full my life is, and because said love will have to fit within the existing family structure. But then I think it doesn’t matter anyway, and to the right person, all my situation can be is an enrichment to their life as well.

This is too much and too personal for an online comment, but I want you to know how much this newsletter as meant to me and continues to. I am so happy for you and Tom!

All the best!

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Oh my god I am so happy for you!!! Congratulations. It really is so intense but the best. Will reply properly tomorrow but thank you so much for what you have shared 🥺🥺❤️

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I turned 40 recently and it's weird to still be single and not where your peers are. I think I still have magical thinking about meeting someone but with each year that passes I am more accepting that it may not happen for me but I still have a good life with family and friends. I'm trying to remember I still have value even though I'm 40 and society says women are only seen when youthful.

Congratulations on your little girl and thank you for continuing this vital newsletter for us single folk.

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Congratulations! So happy you went for your dreams 👏🏻

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I LOVE your innovative, wonderful family unit designed for happiness :D I love the idea of motherhood but because of my disabilities, that AND finding a partner who is willing to embrace my limitations are the problems I, and many other persons with disabilities face. I love that you’re featuring a story of a person with disabilities next!

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so glad you‘re back!! your voice was missed x

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Ahh thank you. This means a lot. Xx

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Welcome back! It’s wonderful to see you pursue a major dream of yours. Your article is making me think of how society tends to equate singlehood with being stagnant in some way, but it’s not true. Our lives are always changing and evolving, regardless of our romantic status. Thank you for this beautiful update!

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This comment has put a big smile on my face. Thanks so much xx

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So happy you're back. So happy you're a mom and a very belated happy 40th from this also-40 year old singleton 😊

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Aww thanks so much Jackie 🥰 xx

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So happy to read this update. So happy for you.

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Thanks so much xx

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Congratulations, Nicola! Can't wait to read your writing again.

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Thanks so much for mentioning my book - and huge congratulations on your new family. I'm glad you're back in our inboxes. xx

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My pleasure and thank you!! Will reply to your email today too ❤️ xxx

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Hi!

It’s very nice to read to you!

I'm married with 2 kids (probably not your target audience) and I found your story in the guardian and I was very touched by it. A perfect and beautiful happy ending, I truly believe everyone should be able to have children (if they want to) and I find the coparenting solution great for everyone involved, such a very loved and wanted baby.

If I had the chance to talk with you, I would like to ask you if you think romantic love is over rated? Or if we have very high unrealistic expectations in regards partners? I sometimes believe we expect too much from our partners, to be perfect match, best friends, great sex partners, role model dads, everything what we wish in one single person… aren’t we expecting too much from them?

In your case, you are already a mother, something you wanted so much, Tom is a great dad, you guys are already a loving family, do you think that you (or Tom) still need a romantic partner in your life?

Additionally, when I was pregnant a few weeks ago, a female colleague of mine told me “I wanted to have kids but when I tried it was already too late”. I replied something awful like “well, on the other hand , you have a lot of time for yourself , how I wish I could do that”. I know reflect that was a terrible answer, I didn’t know what else to say! If someone could help me I would appreciate it a lot, just in case that happens to me again in the future I don’t want to say something insensible.

Thanks!

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Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I’ll read this properly in the morning xx

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Happy to get this newsletter filled with wonderful news! I am overjoyed for you that you (and your best friend) were able to make your wish come true, and you didn't feel like you had to put it off because you were single ❤️ congratulations to your beautiful family unit!

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Awww thanks so much 🥰

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Welcome back <3

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Thanks love xx

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Thank you for acknowledging how desperately painful it can be for single people who want to have children but can’t ever see how it will happen :( That said, I will be staying subscribed and I’m pleased all is going well with you and your little one. Thanks as well for continuing to write for us. A couple of things happening with me…

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I also just plucked up the courage to ask someone out after chatting with him on a night out and I cannot express how anxious I feel now I’ve done it. There was a bit of relief when he didn't say no and suggested a drink but now I have no appetite. Why is the idea of going out for a drink with him so utterly terrifying? It’s like I’m expecting it to go wrong at any moment (like past experiences) and it’s so hard to stay calm.

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An issue I am currently having is being so stuck up in my own head, being single and living alone. I don’t have many friends, let alone many in my situation, and it just goes round and round my head when I’m on my own - my singleness, my situation. There’s no one to talk to about it (other than my therapist once a week) and I don’t know how to get out of my head in a healthy way. Distractions work but then my mind goes back to the same thoughts when the distraction is over. Journaling seems to perpetuate it and isn't helpful when I write about this subject.

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Thank you so much! I’ll give your other comments a proper read in the morning. Really glad you are part of the community here ❤️ xx

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