What just happened? And what now?
It has officially been 12 weeks since I left London, stashed the majority of my belongings into storage and moved in with my parents. At age 35, this was not where I ever expected or intended to end up. But despite the obvious drawbacks of living with your parents when you’re a full-blown adult, it actually hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be.
When I first decided I would make the move, I was seriously worried about how I would cope especially after living alone for three years but told myself I just had to make it for 12 weeks (I had guessed lockdown would last at least this long because it’s what those who were shielding were told). I only realised when I began to think about what to write for this that it has been 12 weeks. I can’t decide if it felt really long or really short. It all feels like a bit of a blur. Does anyone else feel this way?
One of my favourite writers, Clover Stroud wrote the following in an Instagram caption at the end of May, which really chimed with me: “I am still struggling to really *see* the past few weeks – two months – with real clarity. What just went on? What just happened? I want to make changes. I don’t know what they are, but I know for sure I want to make them.”
When I read those words, it felt like Clover had gone inside my head and articulated exactly how I was feeling even though I didn’t even really know that’s how I was feeling. But the first half of that quote is 100% how I am still feeling today. What just went on? In reality the 10 weeks we were in full lockdown in England is not actually a long time in the grand scheme of things, and yet those 10 weeks have had such a huge impact both personally and in society and politically and economically. The list goes on.
I am already finding myself wondering what memories will stick out when I look back on this time in the future. The solo bike rides along windy country roads in the sunshine, the beef hula hoop crisps, hot chocolate and Signature Brew beers I consumed, sewing scrub hats in a production line with my mum, falling instantly in love with my parents’ puppy the day she arrived, Saturday night Zoom quizzes with friends, the number of selfies where my fringe is pinned back on my head because I desperately need a hair cut (see below) and, of course, queuing up outside Tesco with my face mask on feeling mildly anxious. I mean that’s the answer to what just went on but of course, a lot more went on than that surface-level stuff.
It’s been a couple of weeks since I read Clover’s tweet and I think I am closer to realising what changes I want to make in my life. I mean obviously, the whole leaving London thing is permanent and so my life is going to look wildly different from before anyway. But one of the things I really want to do is make myself feel more secure and stable. That’s both financially and where I am living. As I have previously written, there is no knight in shining armour coming to rescue me. Even if I did get myself a boyfriend anytime soon (How? When you can’t go within two metres of anyone?) I still want to be able to stand on my own two feet.
I am actually exploring whether I can buy a place at some point soon, which is both scary and exciting in equal measure. I began the 12-weeks pressing ‘to rent’ on the Rightmove app and then one day I thought it wouldn’t hurt to have a look at the sales section so I clicked ‘to buy’ instead. Now I can’t go back because I’m already planning what I would do with the garden and following loads of interiors people on Instagram (yes I’m that person!)
Although I really want to get on the property ladder, I still don’t know if anyone will give me a mortgage given I’m not only single but also freelance. There’s also the fact, we’re heading for the worst recession in 300 years or something like that so my timing is probably all wrong and it will never happen but it’s good to have a goal to work towards and something to look forward to. The annoying thing is what I would pay monthly for a mortgage would be a lot less than I was paying in rent in London so I know I can afford it, it’s just a matter of persuading the banks I guess!
On that note, something quite funny but also annoying happened recently. I wrote a tweet asking if anyone freelance had bought a place on their own because I wanted to hear positive stories and remind myself it is actually possible. As the notifications rolled in, a number of the people who responded said something along the lines of “Oh yes it’s definitely possible, I’m freelance and bought a house with my partner last year” or “My husband and I bought two years ago. It’s hard but I was able to do it without help.”
I got bored of repeating that actually when I said ‘on my own’ I meant literally just me buying it not me and a partner. A single woman on Twitter who I now follow quote tweeted me to say it was just “another example of how singles are made invisible” which I had to agree with. My guess is that people thought me saying on my own meant without parental help and when I pointed out I meant single suddenly they were all like ‘oh err well yes I am sure it’s still possible’. This in itself was just another example of my single status making other people feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Anyway, I think it will take some time for me to really be able to answer the question about what the hell just happened and it’s not over yet. But I am definitely starting to get closer to answering the question of how I want my life to look after all this. How about you? I would love to hear if you’re making any changes in your life post-Covid?
Stay safe everyone,
Nicola
Twitter: @TheSingleSupp | Instagram: @TheSingleSupplement
What caught my attention
Support bubble: friends, family or fling? Single women share their choices
The news this week that the so-called “sex ban” is over in England now that single people can form support bubbles with one other household was met with the same joke being told on Twitter over again about whether or not people would choose their mum or a man. This article deals with the dilemma some single people are having. This woman makes the point that how single people who live with flatmates: “I live with other people because I have no other choice financially, and my co-habiting situation doesn’t mean that I haven’t felt periods of loneliness or, physical frustration. Let’s be honest, being able to spend my evenings watching TV with the people I live with or having a socially distanced picnic with my friends who live close by does not make up for three months without any form of sexual contact.” Although it does need to be said that the bubbles are actually meant for SUPPORT for those who live on their own not shagging.
Single Life with Joe Lycett – You’ll do podcast
This is a good podcast episode to listen to. Although two things stuck out in the first few minutes. Firstly Joe was the first and only guest on the podcast who was single. They seemed to congratulate themselves for this when I was just thinking ‘wow you managed to discuss single life once in the whole series’. Secondly, I recommend skipping to 4 mins 55 seconds when they actually start asking Joe questions because the first bit is like being out for dinner with a couple who think they are being all cute and funny and self-deprecating about the realities of their relationship in front of their single mate, when they are actually just being really irritating. I am probably projecting but it does feel like Joe is only joining in this part of the conversation through gritted teeth. Anyway, thankfully I think a lot of you will relate to the rest of the chat and Joe articulates a lot of how I feel. Although, I actually love weddings so not that bit!
A surprise lockdown apology from my ex
Hands up who has been contacted by their ex during lockdown? I have been by two exes. One was a nice natter on the phone with one I’m still friends with and the other was an email from the very last person I would ever want to hear from. Neither of them apologised but I loved the article by Megha Mohan. Here’s a quote from the piece about why so many people are getting in touch with someone from their past. “There's the obvious reason why we are reflecting on our behaviour, we've all got a lot of time to think. A lot of the things we do to avoid reflection aren't possible right now, like travelling, socialising, commuting. At the same time it's an opportunity to become thoughtful about your relationships and ask all these big fundamental questions of the purpose in your life and what your legacy is.”
The lowdown
The big news is that I am going to be running a masterclass in life writing with my friend and fellow writer Tiffany Philippou. It’s aimed at beginners and we’re going to cover to get started in writing about your own life and how to get published. I’m really looking forward to it and would love it if some of you wanted to come! The tickets are on sale now on Eventbrite. We have also reserved a number of tickets for those for whom the price is a barrier because we believe we need more diverse voices out there!
I can’t do a Zoom hang out this week unfortunately as have too many Zoom events this week and Zoom fatigue is real but will keep you posted when it will be on again! I might start doing them every other week.
There’s no Instagram Live today but I have done a great interview for the newsletter this week, which I’ll be sharing at the start of next month. I can’t wait!
I was interviewed by Mel Johnson for the Stork and I podcast this week. We talked all about the pressure single women feel if they want to have a child. I will share the link as soon as it’s live. Also I’m excited to say I’ve been invited onto two more podcasts this week. And yes I am still considering starting my own podcast!
I have been inspired by Anna Codrea-Rado whose latest newsletter for freelancers was all about the commitments she will make to anti-racism and using these as a way to measure how inclusive her work is. I have decided to do something similar for The Single Supplement and will share it when it is ready (hopefully next week!).
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. You can also buy me a coffee on Ko-Fi. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.
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