The sweet spot: finding joy in cooking for one (by Hannah Davies)
Good morning. Today I am pleased to share with you a guest piece about one of my favourite topics – food!
Freelance writer Hannah Davies has written about the joy of cooking for herself and why she chooses to make a lot of effort to create special feasts even when people may think that is odd given she is just cooking for herself.
Although I have to say I don’t think I have ever cooked myself a three-course meal, I love cooking. I find it very stress relieving – especially the chopping of vegetables – and like Hannah, I don’t see why I should miss out just because I’m the only one who will enjoy the dish I create.
Hope you enjoy reading this and it doesn’t make you too hungry. Inspired by this, I’ve started a thread on the Facebook group so you can share your favourite meals with other readers. If you are new to the group, please make sure you answer all the questions when asking to join otherwise you’ll be immediately denied.
Have a good week,
Nicola
Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson
The sweet spot: finding joy in cooking for one
By Hannah Davies
It’s Saturday evening and I’ve been cooking for the last few hours. I’ve prepped the cauliflower purée for the starter – I’ll start warming it up when I’m ready to fry the scallops. Pudding, a salted caramel and chocolate mousse, is in the fridge, along with a rather sexy bottle of white Rioja. The main is chicken thighs studded with fragrant green herbs. Not the most inventive of menus, but I’m in the mood for some classics.
My intercom sounds. No, it’s not dinner party guests or a boyfriend; it’s an Asos delivery driver. The menu I’ve been tweaking all week, the wine pairing, the food I’ve spent hours cooking – all for me. And that’s not a state of affairs I gave much thought to until recently, when a married friend told me she considers me lucky not to have to spend much time cooking. And then the destabilising follow-up: “I mean, why would you bother with anything complicated, for one?”
It’s the type of unthinking comment about single life that I’d normally brush off. I’ve lived on my own for ten years, so I’m used to all kinds of assumptions about how I arrange my existence. But this one has really stayed with me. It’s a small wound, but I can’t stop picking at it. I suppose partly it’s because, for me, making food is bound up with affection. It’s not always a solo dinner at weekends, and I enjoy cooking for friends and family, watching the pleasure my food gives them. What hurts is that my friend assumes I wouldn’t – shouldn’t? – show that same affection towards myself.
I do sometimes struggle with self love. I can lose hours to such fun questions as: why aren’t I further ahead in my career even though I don’t have children? Is the reason I’m not earning more money because I’m actually not very good at my job?
In my kitchen, however, there’s only kindness.
When it comes to food, I put in the time for myself. I prepare a different breakfast most mornings – and I try to make each one special. My bookmarks bar is solely populated by links to ‘delicious porridge toppings’; videos of egg scrambling techniques; techniques for creating the fluffiest of pancakes.
For lunch, if I have a lot of work booked in, I usually make a large batch of quinoa salad in advance, to last the week. My favourite iteration is drenched in a cumin, olive oil and lime dressing, studded with chopped spring onions, red peppers, chillies and black beans. It’s labour-intensive, but I’m happy to do it because I know how much I’ll appreciate tucking into a bowl of joy and nourishment when I’m racing to meet a deadline.
And, as established, for a plan-free weekend I’ll put together a menu of treats. It won’t always be three courses, but it will be something I love – linguine with a salty, chilli-infused broccoli mix, or with mushrooms and spinach, laced with parmesan.
It was all very different ten years ago, when I was living with my ex. I deleted all the messages between us after we split up, but as I did so, I noticed how many of them were about food. Even though we both worked full time, the fact that I was freelance meant feeding us became largely my responsibility. Every day, there was a stream of messages between us, negotiating our different tastes and preferences; arguments about who would do the food shopping. We couldn’t articulate our frustrations with the relationship, so we hid them in discussions about what to have for dinner.
I took no pleasure in cooking at that time, which is probably the other reason my friend’s comment has stayed with me. It’s the assumption that everyday life is better when you’re in a relationship; better, and more worthy of effort. For me, the opposite is proving true. I’m happy living on my own. The questions I sometimes use to beat myself up centre on whether I can continue doing so, from a financial point of view, not on why I don’t have a partner. I invest in my everyday, and I show that through cooking. I scour recipe books and magazines; I buy the best ingredients I can afford; I put the time into prepping them; then I sit down, and I feast.
Hannah Davies is a freelance writer and editor who, for a single person, has spent a surprising amount of time writing professionally about weddings, including for You & Your Wedding and Hitched, and even talking about them on national radio. She does, however, write about other topics too, and has been bylined in Superdrug DARE, Metro, ST Style, The Lady and The Daily Express, among others. You can find her on Instagram.
What made me think
I love this simple come back to anyone who gives you unsolicited advice. Jillian Anthony writes: “People give their unsolicited opinions constantly, especially people in positions of power (or perceived power). All sorts of people (especially older men) tripped over themselves to inform me it wasn’t safe for a woman to travel alone before I went on my solo road trip. If you share a life choice—”I’m becoming a lawyer.” “I’m having a baby.” “I’m not having a baby.” “I’m moving to another country.” “I’m getting plastic surgery.” “I’m going into space with Jeff Bezos.”—you can bet people will give you their opinion on your choice, whether you like it or not. Their reaction is, of course, a projection of their own fears and insecurities! But you don’t have to listen to their opinion. You didn’t ask! And that’s exactly what you’ll tell them.”
Things you should check out
I loved being single in lockdown – now I’m in a relationship I feel like I’ve lost part of my identity – Tiffany Philippou on leaving her single life behind.
“I was single at 37, so I had a baby on my own” – I really need to buy Liv’s book!
Elizabeth Day: 'Things Got So Much Better In My Forties. This Is The Time Of My Life' – A nice read!
Who Cares About The Result, We All Know Liberty And Kaz Are The True Winners Of Love Island – I love a friendship love story.
33, Married, & Crapping On Single People. No, That’s Not How You Fill A Relationships Column – Another rebuttal of an AWFUL blog which I won’t link to but which Shani Silver describes well here.
The Lifetime Costs to Single People of Other People’s Weddings – I love a good wedding but they are often so much more expensive for single people.
Don’t be lonely: how to make friends if you’re moving house – lots of good advice if you have moved areas / cities lately. As someone who moved across the country, I love the first one. It’s OK to acknowledge the loss even if the decision was the right one.
Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram if you don’t already!
Words I love
The journey [to become a feminist] is both external and internal, political and personal. For me, the personal meant becoming a single woman, no longer silencing my voice, slowly becoming the subject of my own life. My friendships with women grew deeper and more fulfilling. I read books I’d read before, by Carol Gilligan, Gloria Steinem, Robin Morgan, Gerda Lerner, bell hooks, and Jean Baker Miller, among others, but I understood them in a new way. In the process, I discovered that what I’d thought were just my issues were, in fact, shared by other women.
- Jane Fonda on how being single helped her become a feminist
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you particularly liked this edition, you can buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.
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