The most annoying things single women are told
Given the theme of the newsletter this week, it was pretty fitting that we finally heard what our own prime minister really thinks about single women. If you missed it, an old column by Boris Johnson was surfaced this week in which, he described the children of single mothers as "ill-raised, ignorant, aggressive and illegitimate" and called single women "uppity" and "irresponsible".
While my biggest pet hate, in terms of what people say to me about being single, is not that extreme, it provokes similar feelings of anger as Johnson’s word did. It's when supposedly well-meaning friends, or even perfect strangers, tell you: "You've got to love yourself before anyone else will."
The reason it pisses me off so much is that implies that every single person in a relationship loves themselves and therefore is superior because they have figured this out. When, in fact, half the people I know in relationships certainly do not love themselves. Some don't even seem to like themselves but they are happily coupled-up nonetheless. It also implies that I would be worthy or deserving of someone else's love if only I could sort myself out.
This is not to say I don't believe in self-love because I definitely do. However, a few years ago someone said this to me when I was feeling particularly low about being single, and I really took it to heart. After spending a ridiculous amount of money on various courses and books that promised to help with this issue, I realised just how much of a marketing tool it was. Besides, plenty of people love me, thanks!
Anyway, I was inundated with responses when I asked what irritated you and am going to share a few of my favourites. In an email Inês said: "'You're so great! How are you single?' is the most annoying thing people say to me." She said it implies she hasn't been 'noticed' by the right guy, and said: "Yes, I am great and amazing, and that's why I won't settle for anyone less than amazing! And that's WHY I'm single." Yes, girl!
In a DM, Laura told me that she has recently been getting comments from her married friends who say they are “living vicariously” through her, which drives her mad. She added: "I've also had, when sat around a table of mums gushing about their child's toilet routine, 'it's OK Laura, we can talk about your dog in a minute' as if my dog is a child substitute!" For future reference, Laura would prefer to talk about music, politics or Netflix – and definitely not potty training.
On Instagram, Sarah contributed what is probably a close second for me, which is when people say: "God, I couldn't imagine being single nowadays." Like Sarah, I also find this smug, patronising and soul destroying.
In an email Liisi said people often ask her if she thinks her standards are too high and she has also been asked what’s wrong with her. She said: “After hearing these questions for years, and even hearing them from close friends who should know how annoying they are, I'm not going to take it anymore, and will fight back.”
Yes, Liisi! And thanks so much to the women I have mentioned above and to the others who wrote to me. I loved reading your responses and was nodding along or sighing in despair with you.
Nicola
Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson_Journalist
What has caught my attention
Bouncing back with Harriet Minter – episode of Is This Working? podcast
This podcast by Anna Codrea-Rado and Tiffany Philippou is fast becoming one of my favourites. It's actually about our working lives, but when I was listening to this earlier in the week, I realised how relevant the topic of resilience and bouncing back from rejection is to many areas of our lives. In particular, for me, as a single woman and a freelance journalist, I have to handle a lot of rejection, and of course, there is only me to pick myself up after a knock-back.
I’m not sure how I feel about this one because 1. I’m pretty sure my parents never wanted me to marry a CEO and 2. Spanx are, in my opinion, the devil’s clothes so why should I take advice from the person who is responsible for them? However, Christmas is coming up and a lot of us can probably relate to the comments she made on her LinkedIn post about facing relatives at family gatherings. What do you think about being the CEO in your life? What does that even mean?
For a few hours after that old Spectator article came to light, there seemed to be one voice missing in the din, and that was of an actual single mother. Luckily Genevieve Roberts came through with a beautifully written reaction piece highlighting the kindness of her two-year-old daughter.
Single heroine of the fortnight
Ruth, from Oldham, my new heroine, calmly laid into Johnson live on LBC for what he said about single mothers and made the point about Johnson’s own track record when it comes to his children. He didn’t apologise but thanks Ruth for sticking it to him anyway!
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in London, UK. I don’t get paid to do this newsletter (maybe one day I will), but if you enjoyed it and would like to buy me a coffee, you can.
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