Ladies, it ain't easy being independent
A couple of weeks ago, I forgot to pay my rent.
You can imagine the stomach-plummeting that happened when I realised. Thankfully I got away with it because my landlord is even more disorganised than I am and hadn’t even noticed it was late.
I won’t bore you with why I forgot except to say going freelance and therefore not having the trigger of my wages coming into my account to remind me my rent was due was a factor. I was also in the tricky period before payments for freelance work had started rolling in, but I could still pay it as I’d saved for this eventuality. However, the situation made me think about the financial burden of being single. I couldn’t help but think about how much easier life would be if I had a live-in partner to help pick up the slack.
It reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my married friends who was telling me how she manages her family budget. She is the queen of this and I was listening in total awe. I told her it made sense that she was so on it because she had a lot of responsibilities (mortgage, child, pets). She said true, but you have a lot too because you only have yourself to rely on. It was a nice little acknowledgement of something I think people in relationships can take for granted.
I also sometimes think of two friends who are published authors. Both credit the financial support of their husbands with enabling them to be able to spend time writing without being too distracted by mounting bills. Given my dream is to write a book (or five), it feels deeply unfair not to have any kind of crutch in my life, let alone one willing to bankroll me while I write.
This week, however, I was listening to another episode of An Honest Account, a podcast series started by journalist Rachael Revesz I mentioned last week and I got a different perspective. Toward the end of the episode Rachael’s guest Marisa Bate brings up a recent Fidelity survey, which found that a third of women would not be able to cope financially if their relationship ended the following day. I find that statistic terrifying.
Marisa says this is a feminist issue and argues that if young people were educated about finance, they would be more independent and feel more secure. This in turn would reduce women finding themselves stuck in unhappy or even abusive relationships purely because they can’t afford to leave.
This is such a good message. Learning to really stand on my own two feet is something I’m proud of. Clearly, I haven’t got it completely right yet on the money front but it’s something I’m actively trying to be better at.
Anyway, of course, I couldn’t write about this topic without including the ultimate rallying call for independent women everywhere. Enjoy!
Send me an email or message me on social media if this has struck a chord, and don’t forget to forward this onto your brilliant single mates if you enjoyed it.
Nicola
Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson_Journalist
What has caught my attention
Male, single, desperate for a baby
This is an old article from January but I came across it last weekend. I found it really interesting although I don’t completely agree with the standfirst (subhead). The endless talk about women’s biological clocks is usually reserved for women in relationships. I still feel like it’s a taboo to openly worry about your fertility as a single woman, which brings me onto…
Are You Sure You Want This? – episode of A Single Serving podcast
This is the first time I have listened to US journalist Shani Silva’s podcast for single women. In this episode, she interviews a new friend of mine, Rose Stokes. It’s quite an emotional one as Rose talks openly about her abortion and how it went wrong, as well as her approach to being single in her 30s and her desire to be a mum.
Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single
Anyone who read my HuffPost article about being the only single one in my friendship will know I relate to this from The Atlantic’s agony aunt column. What was most interesting was how the therapist explains that some single women experience “ambiguous loss or ambiguous grief”. Some of the language and advice really grates on me, but I still found it interesting.
What made me rage
French protests against IVF treatment for gay and single women
Tens of thousands of people have marched in Paris last week to protest AGAINST a new law allowing lesbian couples and single women the right to conceive children with medical help. Solidarity with single French women hoping to go down this route (and of course lesbian couples!) who had to watch this shit.
Single heroine of the fortnight
Meet Holly, true inspiration for single women everywhere to devote all their energy toward themselves.
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in London, UK. I don’t get paid to do this newsletter (maybe one day I will), but if you enjoyed it and would like to buy me a coffee, you can.
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