How it feels to watch a show like Love Is Blind as a single woman
I have ummed and arred about whether to write about Love Is Blind in this newsletter but given that the controversial TV show has dominated my Whatsapp conversations and social media feeds for the last couple of weeks (even in the face of coronavirus), I had to address it, especially for the way it portrays those who aren’t married.
For those who haven’t seen the show, it’s a totally nuts reality TV concept that sees a bunch of single people go on dates in “pods” where they cannot see the person they are speaking to and can only hear their voice. Before they can meet in real life, they must get engaged. Once they get engaged, they then meet their new loves face-to-face for the first time and then just weeks later it is time for their televised wedding.
At first, I was fascinated and, like a car crash, I couldn’t stop watching no matter how awkward and painful things got. As the episodes went on, I felt more and more dread about what I was seeing. These couples were actually seriously going to get hitched after just a few weeks. At various points, I found it distressing to watch these young people tear themselves apart trying to force something that wasn’t there because they seem to believe marriage, even to a stranger, was better than being single.
I think that tells us a lot about society that they were willing to go to these lengths. Of course, the chance of being famous was also probably an allure to the show but marriage is a very real thing and those who took part were feeling very real emotions. It was like watching the real-world pressures that people, and particularly, women are under play out on our laptops or TV screens for our entertainment. Even though I was totally addicted, a big part of me was questioning why on earth I was watching something that treated single people so badly.
As Shani Silver says in her furious take-down of the show: “Single people, and our desire for love and companionship, do not exist for your entertainment. We are not your court jesters. We are not your vaudeville act. We are not your gladiators. Single people are human beings with desires and emotions and dignity who shouldn’t be having such a hard time connecting in the world that they’ll resort to a public flaying for even a chance of walking away with a hand to hold.”
One of the moments that made me really feel upset was when it became increasingly clear that one of the women, Kelly, wasn’t feeling it. She admitted to not being physically attracted to her fiancé, she said she loved him but wasn’t in love with him and she also talked wistfully about the sexual chemistry she had had with former boyfriends. Despite all these red flags, her family and friends seemed to be really behind the match, so I was really nervous she would go through with it.
Thankfully she turned him down in the end and afterwards, she said a line that made me want to reach through the TV screen. In despair at her decision, she said: “I’m 33, I should know what the fuck I want.” I wanted to grab her and say, Kelly, you do know what you want. You want to fall in love with a man whose clothes you want to rip off, not get married to the man who everyone thought you should just because he is a nice guy.
I think it upset me the most because I have seen friends have similar dilemmas of knowing a relationship isn’t right but not wanting to break it off and be – god forbid – single. I don’t know about you but I find this particularly hard to deal with as a long-term single person. It frustrates me that people see being single as the absolute worst thing. Surely staying with a man you’re not in love with and don’t want to have sex with is far worse? It’s probably horrible of me to admit this but a big part of me wants to roll my eyes and tell them to stop being such babies about being on their own. Obviously, I have had a lot of practice and so it’s very easy for me to say and of course, I have also been there myself in the past. I apparently sometimes have selective amnesia about all the times I stayed longer than I should.
Still, I can’t help but feel insulted that how I live my life is someone else’s very worst-case scenario. It’s the misconception that being single is the most awful thing in the world that continues to motivate me to do this newsletter.
Anyway, hopefully I won’t lose too many subscribers by admitting to watching a show like Love Is Blind. In my defence, I’ve had a really busy few weeks and there’s nothing like trash TV when you’re knackered (more on that topic in this great newsletter about rest).
Have a great week,
Nicola
Twitter: @TheSingleSupp | Instagram: @TheSingleSupplement
What caught my attention
A Victorian Magazine Asked Spinsters Why They Were Single, And The Answers Were Incredibly Savage
A friend sent this to me the other day and I loved reading these reasons why Victorian women are single. Here’s my favourite: "Like the wild mustang of the prairie that roams unfettered, tossing his head in utter disdain at the approach of the lasso which, if once round his neck, proclaims him captive, so I find it more delightful to tread on the verge of freedom and captivity, than to allow the snarer to cast around me the matrimonial lasso." Hard relate. This tweet has pictures of the originals if you want to read more.
“Stop single-shaming me – I don’t need a partner to be valued”
Here’s an article by Ella Jackson in Stylist magazine that many of you will probably relate to about single-shaming and why some people just won’t accept that you want to be single. She is spot on with this quote: “It’s a brave thing to say that you want to be alone. Especially when the entire world around you is coupled up: parents, friends, even Instagram influencers who fit the mould of #couplegoals”
This Is The Year To Embrace Romantic Realism
This Refinery29 article is definitely one that those who are dating might find interesting. It introduces the concept of “Romantic Realism” which I have never heard of and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about. As the author says: “Romantic realism isn’t a sexy term but it isn’t a contradiction in terms either. The fact is, embracing pragmatism in your personal life is far more likely than any other method to lead to lasting satisfaction.” Let me know your thoughts!
Hero of the week
I have no idea what her relationship status is but I’m obsessed with this video Nia Dennis smashing a gymnastic floor routine. It’s the energy I want to bring into my week. Also, her teammates in the background cheering her on are the epitome of “her success is not your failure,” which is something I’ve been thinking about this week after listening to the In Writing podcast episode featuring Holly Bourne and reading Emma Gannon’s instagram post about the same thing.
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in London, UK. I don’t get paid to do this newsletter (maybe one day I will), but if you enjoyed it and would like to buy me a coffee, you can.
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